the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I just put wine in my tea
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
