One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize