I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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