my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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