dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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