i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you will always have a special place in my vag
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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