we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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