Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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