Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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