Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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