I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
