one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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