I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
