my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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