Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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