He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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