what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize