Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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