True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
