Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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