Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
