you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your cock deserves a montage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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