fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize