we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
