A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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