Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
