On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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