I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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