He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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