It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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