What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
