margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
cat food counts as protein by the way
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
