if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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