my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize