we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
