she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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