ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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