does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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