My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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