if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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