In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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