This is not my ceiling
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
