The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
