PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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