The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish you could order shots online.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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