Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
