What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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