The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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