I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
