They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
