It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize