haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
