i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's great music for shaving your balls
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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