Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize