I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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