My first STD was from a foam party
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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