If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
