He disabled his match.com account in front of me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
