I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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