Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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