Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
