Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
