Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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