dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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