Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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