I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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