and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
