I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
