one two three fourrrrnication!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You pole danced in your parka.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
