Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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