I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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