Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
