Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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